Let it Rain

I've been weening myself off of my Anti-anxiety meds... against doctor's wishes..... and it got to a point where the dose was so low, it didn't matter, so last Sunday, I stopped taking them altogether. So I've been feeling the effects of withdrawal, and I am also FEELING EVERYTHING! This is a double-edged sword. I had thought "Life is slowing down right now, and Drama is at it's minimum right now, so I'm just gonna jump in and quit the meds."

Yeah. And then one of my favorite patients passes away on Thursday, and I turn into a weeping mess! And today, I'm cleaning the house because I have a babysitter coming. And I know that last weekend, I was digging through some boxes and I asked myself "Why am I keeping this stuff? I need to PURGE!" Sure. Then I start purging today, and I run into Jim's discharge papers from St Lukes, and I'm a complete WRECK! Damn it! Running across this stuff brings me right back to that very day and how I felt with all of my fears and pain. St Luke's was the eye of the storm for me. When everything came to a head and started spinning faster and faster. It was like being trapped inside the worst horror story ever without the opportunity to write a different ending.

So I had an hour long cry this morning. I stood there hugging Jim's sweaters and crying so hard I was trembling. God I miss him!!!! And you know what? I'm not ready to throw out his things, no matter how ratty and musty they're getting.

And then on the other side of the coin, I'm thinking "How the hell are we supposed to move out of this crappy old house if I can't throw this stuff away?" Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Darling Jerry has been such a love this week. I came home Thursday and told him I was sad because I lost a wonderful patient. And he said "You can sit on the couch and hug me while you cry if you want, Mom. You're not alone." What a doll he is!!!! I couldn't ask for a more precious son to raise!


My Bro-in-law's band is playing in Eureka tonight. He is also celebrating his 40th birthday tonight (Monday is his Birthday). I'll be surrounded by loved ones, and it's sure to be a fun night. No Drama. No issues. Just good music and good people!

Second Annual

They say all things happen for a reason. I guess the Copperleaf lost my reservations for a reason. The reason being that we needed to see the difference between The Copperleaf and The Paper Valley for ourselves. HUGE difference!

The Copperleaf wins hands down for personality, comfort and customer service. The Paper Valley is so impersonal, and their walls are so thin, I thought I would go mad from all the maid carts rolling around in the halls!

Things The Paper Valley offers that I really liked were the free internet kiosks in the lobby, and their bathroom layout is much nicer with more towels and their fridge is bigger.

The Copperleaf wins in every other category. Better maintained elevators, much cleaner hotel, more curteous and attentive staff, semi-private spa-pool, a livingroom with a pull-out couch/bed that is adjoining the bedroom. Free breakfast (we paid $18 for a Paper Valley brunch that left me with food poisoning!), Free Gourmet Coffee, more comfortable beds, and more water pressure in the shower (very important to me!).

Next year, I am going to make reservations 3 months in advance, and I am going to call them every other week to be sure they have kept that reservation!

As for entertainment, we started out at Good Company for dinner Friday night, which is always yummy. Although Bonnie had an "Episode" there that still concerns me. I think the gal really needed this down time!

Barb and I walked down College Ave for a bit while we let Bonnie get a good nap in. We found a place called Mill Creek that boasted "5 Decades of Music Videos". We were the only ones there, and the bar tender makes a very good drink. She told us to come back when it is more crowded and louder. We assured her that we would!

Then, we went and joined our Aunt Shirley at BJ Clancy's for Karaoke. I was dubious at first. There was an awful lot of country music fans and elderly folks mixed in with a few younger folks. They twisted my arm and got me up to sing a few songs, which was fun.

Bonnie and I were joking about how we would be sharing a bed like we did as children, when a nice looking guy in his mid 30's got up and sang "I'll Be". I asked Bonnie if he could come back to our room and sing that to me all night. And then I said "Hey! We could make a Sister Sandwich!" which lead to many many more sandwich jokes throughout the weekend.

Bonnie and I drank a shot of Bailey's in honour of our Mommy. 25 years have passed, and she is still in our hearts and in our minds.

After we left Karaoke, we walked back down to Mill Creek. Holy CRAP! What a transformation! The place was just THUMPING! Everybody was dancing and singing at the top of their lungs and having a great time! We joined right in and had a blast!

We were back to our room by 1AM, and in the hot tub by 1:30. Only trouble with that was that the hot tub was VERY hot, which heated up my own core temp, and brought on a night long hot flash, so I didn't sleep very well.

On Saturday, after breakfast at Perkins (We couldn't get it together in time to do the free breakfast down stairs by 10AM) Bonnie had to head back to Oshkosh for the afternoon to handle an obligation regarding son Jeremy.

We booked a suite at the Paper Valley since The Copperleaf didn't have and rooms available for Saturday. The main problem with that was we had to wait 3 hours for check-in time. Barb and I wandered up and down College Avenue, enjoying The Farmer's Market, and exploring the stores and museums. It would have been more fun if we weren't both dying for a nap!!!

We checked in to The Paper Valley and tried to take a nap, but there was so darned much noise going on, I only got about 15 minutes.

Bonnie returned at about 4:30, and we brought all of our belongings up stairs to our room. She needed to unwind a bit, and then we went to KFC for dinner. I know many of my readers are saying "Really? KFC?" Well, we don't have a KFC in Oshkosh, so this was a real treat for us!

From there, we went to Walmart for yummys. By the time we came out, the sky was angry and dark. We got to the Paper Valley Parking structure just in time before it started pouring. The perfect atmosphere to try to take a REAL nap! So we all crashed out for an hour as it rained cats and dogs.

By the time we were ready to hit the pubs, the rain was ending. We started off at the Durty Leprechaun for a few drinks, and Bonnie's daughter had decided to meet up with us as well for a bit.

Well, who could resist? We had to go back to Mill Creek to see if they were doing anything different. And on the way there, we were saying "I'm surprised they didn't play any Michael Jackson last night." Just as we got our drinks, a Michael Jackson video came on and the crowd went insane with approval! That was followed by Prince. Mister VeeJay really knows what this old lady wants to hear!

We turned in a little early on Saturday, and went back to our room to play Catch Phrase while unwinding with wine coolers. To our shock, there was a knock on the door, and it was The Consierge asking us to quiet down! REALLY?

This morning, I ran down to the Starbucks for coffee and tea for all of us, and after we all showered, we went down for the brunch. My guts are still rolling!

We were home by noon today. Oh it feels so good to be home! I missed my boys. I missed my kitties. I missed my BED!!!

I almost wish I had taken tomorrow off work just so I can recoup! I am one tired lady! But it was worth every minute!

Anticipation

Today marks the 25th Anniversary of my mother's passing. It's hard to believe it's been that long. I can still picture her sitting at the kitchen table playing 500 rummy with me. Although, sadly, I can't quite conjure up her voice in my memory.

Last year, my sisters and I had gone on what we call a "Sisters Weekend". And this weekend will be our second annual "Sisters Weekend". It's been an emotional roller-coaster trying to organize this. After all, one doesn't just show up at The Copperleaf. They lost my reservations that I had made a month ago. My oldest son tried to back out of his agreement to watch my younger child. Well, I absolutely blew up at that one. Some might think I over-reacted, but I don't think so. I don't ask a whole lot of friends and family. And when I do, it's important stuff. And after all that I have done for #1 son, when I ask for a favor in return, he'd best play the part of my Wise Guy!

I'm still not done packing. I just can't decide what I'm wearing!
And I absolutely MUST change the cat litter before I leave. Yuck!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

What it's like to work with ME!

One of the gals that I work with was having a bad day today, and was awfully grumpy. I asked her why she was so grumpy today and she just shrugged her shoulders.

So then I asked "Do you need a parade to cheer you up?" She shrugged her shoulders again and said grumpily "Maybe...."

So during a short lull in work, I created some little signs on colored paper that said "Cheer Up, Butter Cup!", "Smile Already!" and "THIS is YOUR Parade!" and taped them to tongue depressers

Then, three of us went marching past her desk humming the circus theme song, throwing chocolate kisses at her. It totally made her day! =)

Tales of Yore

Gather round, Kids! I'm gonna tell you a story of yesteryear!
Back when I was young, Jukeboxes were really big and flashy, and were the focal point of most taverns. You could put in a quarter and get three songs! This, of course was a dilemma for us, since I have three siblings, so two of us had to agree on one song instead of all of us getting to pick out our own favorite.

But you got a whole THREE songs for a quarter!

If you went to the local K-Mart to buy a 45 record, it would cost you 75 cents to a dollar to purchase that record. And if you wanted to buy the album, it cost about 5 dollars.

Now, when you play the Jukebox, a computerized little box that is mounted on the wall that is touch sensitive, it costs you a dollar per song. The same amount as if you went to ITunes and purchased that song for your own collection. What the heck? I am merely playing the song, not buying it for a life time. How do they achieve this pricing structure?

I suppose it makes up for internet theft. But I feel dirty paying that much just to hear a song! Especially when the machine decides to play a different song instead of the one I selected!

I guess I wasn't meant to hang out in pubs.

Interesting Reading

In an effort to understand the psyche of Casey Anthony, Investigation Discovery enrolled the help of Dr. Deborah Schurman-Kauflin, a renowned criminal profiler who has over 20 years experience in profiling everything from serial murders to aberrant sex crimes. In 1999, Dr. Schurman-Kauflin profiled the BTK serial killer. Years later, when Dennis Rader was arrested for the crimes, the profile proved to be a shockingly accurate reflection of the killer.

According to Dr. Schurman-Kauflin, Casey Anthony is a "dark damsel" who is seemingly ignoring the disappearance of her 2-year-old child, Caylee Anthony.

"The hallmark of a good predator is that she constantly tells lies. If you clutter the truth with enough of what's false, no one can tell what is real," Dr. Schurman-Kauflin said. "This is why the female offender keeps everyone guessing with deception. Keep people chasing their tails, and they don't have the time to fight you. You will often find female offenders are remarkably good at making people do what they want. They are especially skilled at manipulating men. Women know there is more than one way to make a man wild. She can seduce him. She can lead him in circles. When that fails, she can kill. Seduce-circle-kill."

By examining Anthony's behavioral patterns, Dr. Schurman-Kauflin said that her true self will become visible and it will become easier to predict her actions.

"In her eyes, those close to her are mere things that can be tossed in the trash when they get in the way. Follow her men, and you will follow her thinking. What that means is female predators are especially driven by their need to feel sexual and appealing. They need their men more than they need their families. Male attention is exciting, while family is judgmental. Men build her ego, but their children tear it down. What feeds her ego? If you figure this out, you figure her out. Seduce-circle-kill."

In regards to the trail of lies surrounding the case, Dr. Schurman-Kauflin said that they suggest Anthony is desperate for attention.

"She went toward excitement and lied when it suited her," she said, adding, "Lies surround her. Truth looks very hard to find here."

Unfortunately, determining what happened to Caylee is not as clear-cut.

"It is unclear at this point what happened to Caylee. However, what is clear is that Ms. Anthony did not put Caylee first when the child disappeared," Dr. Schurman-Kauflin said. "She did not do her best to help police find the responsibility [child] that had taken so much of her life. There have been rumors that she partied while her child faded into the night. Finally, she comes across as angry that people care more for her missing child than her. Her pattern comes across very clear. She put herself first, at least when it came to her disappearing baby."

In summary, Dr. Schurman-Kauflin said that if Anthony's patter of behaviors is followed, the truth behind Caylee's disappearance will be revealed.

Hmmmmm. This concerns me greatly. I know people who fit this profile.

Isn't Summer Awesome?

Been meaning to blog, but I've just been too busy living these days! After all, it IS summer!

This past week was emotionally charged, knowing that Hubby's Birthday was on the 29th. But we got through it with positive thoughts. I am still working through a lot of things in my mind. It's a constant process. All of the "What If's" and they "Why did they do it that way?" thoughts, and of course, there will probably always be flashbacks of The Journey. It's a lot like having PTSD. But then on the flip side, I also have so many wonderful memories of our life together, and keeping those close to my heart helps me to move forward and want to find even more to enjoy in life.

It's the July 4th Weekend, and ours is action packed!
Friday Night, I had dinner and cocktails with my sister Barb, which is always a great way to start a weekend. We stopped at the Dollar Tree and I got a little crazy cuz I hadn't been there in a while. EVERYTHING is just a DOLLAR, Y'all! How can you pass this stuff up? Ha ha ha! The Child even found some fireworks there, which we lit off last night.

Yesterday morning, I woke to a very hot and humid day. I took my shower and realized that there was no way my hair was going to behave in such humidity. so I got out my Mini Hair Clips and just started putting my hair up. It ended up looking pretty cool!

Yesterday, we went to Sawdust Days. Last year, we discovered the band Purgatory Hill there, and I think they are just such an amazing duo! Click on the link, enter their site, and be prepared for something uniquely Magical! Pat plays a Cigar Box Guitar and gets the craziest sounds out of that thing! And Melanie Jane drives in the back beat with a fierceness you'd never expect from such a tiny, beautiful little lady. You have to catch their act to truly appreciate it.

They were playing again at Sawdust Days yesterday, and I was so happy to find that I had enough spare cash to buy one of their CD's. And as Myke was handing over cash to buy his own, he asked Melanie Jane if they would consider autographing one, and she graciously obliged! So now we both have Autographed Copies of their CD! How awesome is that!

We also stopped at The Karaoke Tent to see what was happening there, and caught a band called The Bench Warmers. They were pretty good as well! I sure Miss Marty!!!

Then, last night, Norm stopped over to help Andy jump his car, and then invited us over for a cook out, a fire, and some late night fishing. Who could say no to that! Norm and Nikki live right on the edge of Sawyer Creek in a cute little house with a huge yard.

Norm regularly fishes off their dock, and has been getting teased by a nice sized bass on a regular basis. It pops up, sees him, and quickly swims away.

Jerry cast his pole into the creek, didn't even get his line set, and BAM! That bass was on his line! Norm helped him bring it in, and made sure to get a good picture before releasing him back into the water to taunt him further.I just LOVE that picture!!!

Today, we are going to our friend Trina's for a relaxing afternoon of swimming, good conversation and a cook out! I am really looking forward to that! Speaking of which, I need to finish making the potato salad! (I make it just like my Grandma Kappell used to. Gawd how I LOVE that stuff!).

Tomorrow will be out traditional Family Day in Omro. That is always a fun time as well.

So how did you spend your three day weekend?