Ah, It's Father's Day

It's a Bittersweet day around this neck of the woods.
My #1 Son is celebrating his first Father's Day as a Dad. And that is quite awesome.
He is a wonderful daddy. Not all men take to fatherhood in the way that we would hope.
Some keep a distance both emotionally and physically. Not my son. He is hands on and
filled with love for that little darling. And it really shows in Liam himself. He is such a happy and intelligent little guy. He gets so much love and attention from Mommy and Daddy that he feels confident and ready to enjoy all that the world holds for him.

As for Son #2 and myself, we are so blessed to have such thoughtful friends in our lives.
Myke took us out to the cemetery so that Jerry could visit his Dad. And then, we visited both of his Grandfathers as well.

It makes me sad to think of how much Hubby will miss out on with Son #2. No silly Father's Day gifts of crazy discount ties, clay ash trays, home made cards. And all the hugs that The Child would gladly give him were he still here.

The Child has been welded to my hip these days. Definitely Separation Anxiety. It's understandable. First he watched his father slowly perish, and then he watched his kitty perish. I don't know quite how to get him over that separation anxiety other than by reassuring him that I am not leaving him any time soon if I have my way. But it's a bit frustrating for me too. A Gal can't even step out in the back yard for a minute without coming back inside to find the Child in a panic thinking I had just up and left. It is just SO irrational! I would NEVER just up and leave!

The VNA Grief Social Worker comes this Tuesday. I will need to talk to her about this and see what she suggests. Do I just get on with things as normal and ignore it? Or do I let him know my every move? And if I do that, am I just feeding his phobia? And why don't they make Children's Chewable Xanax? I can see it now! Flintstone's Zoloft now in stoneberry flavour.

I'm just trying to get my own life on track and then these curve balls get thrown at me.
Such a long road we are on. When I rule the world, Loving Dads will not be allowed to leave us.

The World I know

Holy Crapolas, Batman! The muscles in my arms are just shaking!
I just spent the past two hours moving the old bed out of my room and assembling my new bed.
It looks beautiful now that it's all together. I'm glad I let loose and spent the money on it.
I've never had a new bed in my entire life. It's time to spoil myself a little.

Not that there was anything wrong with the former bed. It was wonderful. Just a little big for the small room it was living in. I'm not looking forward to disassembling it tomorrow. It's all wood with a million screws in it. And my wrists are toast from my marathon necklace-making sessions this week (That's another story and it was a labor of love, so it was worth it).

And I did all this whilst wearing a cute girly summer dress. I rule!

I have severe ADD these days. There are so many projects to complete around here. I am trying to focus on one room in the house at a time and get it finished before moving on to the next. But I am just too easily distracted. I have paint for the living room, and I'm tempted to get started on that, but I really ought to finish the bedroom first.... maybe.

Meanwhile, the new kitten is wrongly named. I think Satan would have been a better choice! He is just plain EVIL!!!! I sure hope he grows out of this mean stage he is in! He has started tormenting Octavia and she's dumb enough to let him! If she would just side-swipe the little bastage, she'd be back to alpha status!

I've got three hours worth of Garbage playing tonight. I went to my eldest son's birthday party last month and he was playing Garbage. I'd forgotten how much I'd missed Shirley! It's great music to work to. And great music to surf to as well.

I think I've finally stopped sweating now. Time for a nice cool shower and a chapter of Harry Potter in my nice new bed!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Lighten Up

We adopted a new family member this week. Little Cracker is the perfect compliment to our all black Octavia. He is such a sweetie!

Perfect Day

The Aurora Oshkosh 5K for Cancer was today. We all met out front by the bus stop. all.... um.... let's see... Me, Jerry, Andy, Linds, Liam, Barb, Bon, Mark, Ben, Jeremy, Sami, Jason, Jason's parents, Lee & Daughter, Myke, Ricky, Robin & Friend Kelli .... Yup! All 21 of us and two doggies! Team Brooks/ Kuhr was an impressive bunch.

And this year, even though our group was larger, I believe we made better time, completing the walk in One Hour, seven minutes. And we weren't dead last, either! We were third-to-last. Not that it really matters. It's the journey that counts.

The event coordinators sell flags prior to the event, so you can create a personal marker in honour of who you are walking for. We, of course, had two flags. In decorating Hubby's flag, I happened to have his picture along, because I was making badges for us all during free time at work. There are volunteers along the entire route cheering us on, and when we got to the corner of 9th and Oakwood, the volunteers there are not only very good volunteers, but also cancer survivors, and they saw our badges and said "Hey! Your flag is right here!" That was touching for me.

Mom and Dad's flag was near Oakwood and Witzel. I made sure I decorated it nice and bold so that we could spot it. The cool thing was that I wrote on it "Parents, Grandparents, Great-Grandparents". Baby Liam was an unknowing participant in something quite monumental.

Then afterward, we went to Nigl's on 9th for some ice cold pitchers of beer and free brats. That was oh so yummy! I ended up staying much longer than I had intended because we were having so much fun (The Child went off to a Birthday Party ages before I left). This gal doesn't normally drink beer, but after a 5K, it tastes divine!

How do you top that? Well, I came home and watched a Zombie movie on Hulu, and by the time The Child returned, I was ready for a nice, relaxing nap.

It's raining outside right now. A steady downpour. Let it rain. I'm just glad that God gave us such a perfect day for our walk and all that followed.

I'm thinking next year, we should design our own Team Brooks / Kuhr T-shirts. They should be blue because the ribbon for Lung Cancer is blue. And maybe with photos of my folks as well as Jimmy. And of course, we should include the phrase I can so hear hubby saying.... "Walk on, my friends, walk on."

Couldn't help but laugh

So I'm telling #1 son that today was a tough day at work, but as a means to make it a little nicer, I changed my cell phone picture to a photo I took on Sunday night of the fire we had in our back yard. Calming, peaceful, stress-free.



#1 son laughs and hands me his phone, and his wallpaper photo is of the fire that he had at his own house this weekend!

So now he really knows that he is not adopted!

Heavy

Yesterday marked the two month passing of my darling Hubby.
It was a very hard day for me. I woke up thinking of our last anniversary together. How in spite of seeing that things were starting to spin out of control, we made the best of it with humour and love. I couldn't help but start crying as I thought about it yesterday morning. Neither of us ever thought that it would be the last anniversary we would get to share.

I'm doing good for the most part. I've had a growing list of items that I wanted to get to the hardware store to buy, but it has taken me some time to actually get to the hardware store. That's a Saturday thing, and my Saturdays have been busy (and I am grateful that they have been filled with love and fun with friends and family).

So I came home from the hardware store with supplies to complete several home projects, one of which was to re-wire a vintage lamp. It's not just any vintage lamp. Three years ago, Hubby and I spent Mother's Day hitting rummage sales and estate sales. We had such a fabulous time that day. At one of the estate sales, we spied two sets of vintage lamps. One set was simple, with a retro feel to them, and the other set was a pair of ornate crystal lamps with very hideous pink lamp shades. I fell in love with the crystal set (minus the awful lamp shades!), and Hubby fell in love with the retro set. In the midst of swapping bedrooms with The Child last winter, I ran across the box of crystal lamps and decided it was time to get them out and actually use them.

Unfortunately, one of them refused to work. I'd watched Hubby re-wire a lamp before, and couldn't get over how simple a task it actually is, considering you're working with electrical stuff). It's only taken me 6 months to get around to buying a rewiring kit (so sue me, I was busy) but last night, it took me all of fifteen minutes to rewire it. I'm quite impressed with myself!

I completed several other household projects last night as well. It felt good to keep busy. We bought a pool yesterday at Target. It's surprisingly big for the mere $30 we spent on it! #1 Son was so wonderful to help create a place to set it up. The most logical place is the driveway so that we wouldn't kill the grass. That, of course meant we'd have to move the camper (Thank you #1 son!) and create a clean surface.

I wanted to lay a tarp under it for added protection. That's where things got tough. I had to dig through Hubby's favourite things in search of tarps. I know he put them in a Rubbermaid tub somewhere, but I was unable to find it yesterday. And it's just as well (thick plastic will do). It's hard enough sifting through all of that stuff - stuff he loved to use and will never get to use again. It's heartbreaking! It's hard to part with all of it because he loved these things, but I know that I will never use them. Angst.

But we got the pool set up and ready to roll. And it's big enough so that I can dip in it too! I like that. Baby Liam has the same pool so he and Mommy and Daddy can escape the heat this summer as well. I know he's gonna love it!

So you see, my day yesterday was the same as my entire week had been. Filled with peaks and valleys. On Monday night, Audry had finished processing the photo shoot she had done of Grandbaby Liam. She did SUCH an amazing job! And Liam is such a willing subject. What a poser!

We had to put our older cat to sleep on Tuesday, and that was quite an emotional day. But now that she's gone, I am realizing just how much maintenance she required. And I wonder how the hell I did that and care for Hubby at the same time. It's not a wonder my house is a cluttered mess. Who's got time with all that going on? No more revolting litter boxes to change. No more obsessing about keeping butter in the fridge or the cat would get it. No more rattling of dirty dishes in the middle of the night by our people- food - obsessed cat. No more finding creative ways to get her to take her meds. No more surprise puddles. No more wondering when I was going to come home and find that she's expired. It's over. She was a fairly good kitty. I loved her, but she was first Andy's kitty, and then became Jim's companion. She was never very fond of me, except for when she wanted fresh food and a fresh litter box. Then she'd act as if she were whoring herself out to get what she wanted from me. We just never bonded properly. And yet I still miss her. Ya gotta respect a cat with that much attitude.

Our remaining kitty is a bit lost as well. She keeps asking where Fijhonna's bowls went to, and where Fijhonna herself went to. And she has no one to try to play with.... for now. But she's my sweetie. This morning she hopped up on the bed and asked to come under the covers and snuggle with me. I love that - except that she was outside last evening and got into something that I am highly allergic to. Yay. And then she went and snuggled up to The Child with her head on his shoulder. Sweet! (of course by the time I went for the camera, the snapshot moment had passed).

We will be adopting a new kitten as soon as he is ready to leave his mommy. He is all white just like our Huckleberry was. Huck was the best cat EVAR! Hopefully our new family member will be able to fill such big paws. At the moment, he is called "Milk". and he's adorable!
He's going to get lots of love here at Kuhrsville!

Oh! One more peak for this week.... I ran into Frank-From-Lowes at the grocery store on Thursday. It was good to see him again. And I got to meet his lovely daughter Melissa. She's a true beauty!

So enough of my ramblings. I hear my washer buzzing, and I need to thaw out some chicken for Tomorrow's cook out! Here's to more peaks and less valleys for the remainder of the weekend.

Gel

Still living day to day here at Kuhrsville. What else can we do?
I find that I need to make lists a lot because I have the attention span of a Gerbil.
I have always been a list maker, but it is much more vital these days. And I'm glad that I am doing this because I get to have the feeling of accomplishment when I complete these lists.
Some things take longer - such as getting health care coverage for the two of us. Badgercare has agreed to cover The Child, but they have decided that my income is still too great to insure me as well. Yay. Time to think outside the box.

But I learned how to work our "special" lawn mower. And the house is shaping up a little at a time. And the bills are paid on time. Baby steps. Things will gel eventually.

Our utility bill is half of what it used to be. That just absolutely stuns me. It's because we watch maybe an hour of television a week these days. Before, it was on 24/7. It's hard to believe a television can suck that much energy!

Meanwhile, our eldest kitty has been battling illness. I think she is really giving up now. Her own vet just shrugged her shoulders and said there is nothing wrong with her. My Mother-in-law's vet said that she has anemia. But I feel there is something greater going on inside her frail little body. And I truly believe she has such a broken heart because she is missing Hubby. She was his cat after all. It's so sad to see her decline, especially in these past few weeks. I know her days are numbered no matter what I do to turn her in the right direction. What are we gonna do? All we CAN do is give her the meds and a daily dose of love as well and let time do what it will.

Yesterday, I received an invite to go to Ireland this fall. That would be simply amazing. And I've actually started saving for a trip to Ireland. But this fall? No, that's way too soon. The Child would be devistated if I went away for 12 days at this point. And I don't fancy bringing him along because I plan to spend more than a few nights at an Irish Pub drinking some Jameson. He would be bored to tears!

And the fact that at this point, I only have 12 hours of vacation time built up at work, I would be crazy to jump on an airplane. Plus, my side kick has decided to take a job at the hospital so that she can complete her schooling while working second shift, And our Lead Person will be off on maternity leave before we know it. There's no way I'll get time off in September. And September, I'm sure, will be a very hard month for me any way. Wedding Anniversaries and such are sure to put me into a funk. I'll just keep saving until the time is right, when Karma is aligned and life is more on track. Things are just too challenging right now to add new drama to the mix!

On the bright side, it's getting to be fire pit season! A bottle of wine, good friends, a good fire. Now THAT is a goal we can achieve!