Bring on the Bailey's!

The Child has the day off school tomorrow, so I have a 3 day weekend as well! SKOAL!!!!!
I bought myself a fresh bottle of Bailey's and am celebrating the early departure of the work week.

It has been a long week in spite of it being a 4 day work week.
Valentines Day was Tuesday, and although we had a bit of a celebration at work with a mountain of yummy food and I ate myself into oblivion, the symbology of the day was not lost on me. I have no Valentine on which to focus my affections. And I know that it was only two short years ago that I was in the now defunct Morton Pharmacy browsing through their cards and trying not to bust into tears in public as I tried to find the perfect Valentines Day card for my dying husband. They just don't make cards for a situation like that. So I opted for humor instead. Crap!

I'm beginning to think I'm going to be single for many many years to come. The type of man I need just is not out there in the world of available suitors. I need someone who is extremely emotionally secure and strong. All the men my age that are available are pretty much broken. They're so wrapped up in fixing themselves that they couldn't possibly exert the energy into focusing attention on the journey that I have been on. Total waste of my time.

But it does help for me to look around this house with different eyes and realize that I really need to get busy. This whole house is an homage to my dearly departed husband. He's not coming back! Why do I still have all of his stuff everywhere? It has been a great comfort to me and The Child these past few years, but I think it is time to start seriously purging and packing.
I got a good dent into it this past weekend. And hopefully I can stay focused this weekend as well and do more. I have a severe case of Widow ADHD. And it SUCKS!!! I need to move forward!!!

I also joined Netflix this past weekend after putting it off for years and years. Thanks to the new SOPA laws passing, I just can't find any Groovy TV Shows out there on the web, and my co-worker Anne keeps talking about a show called Shameless that she started watching on Showtime that she says is so outrageous that she can't stop watching. Well, SCORE! I joined Netflix, and guess what? As usual, all of the really great American Television shows are merely new adaptations of British Television programs that have been around for years! So I started watching the British version of the show - even more believable, and even less restrictions to it! The show is awesome! Although I do wish I could see Edward H Macey and Joan Cusack playing the main roles. I'll bet they are fabulous at it! However, I adore the Welsh accents on the version I am watching. And the guys playing the supporting roles are simply yummeh!

My laptop has been behaving badly this past week as well. First it was the "R" that was sticking and not working properly. Then I got out the air can and blasted the poor thing only to find that whatever was hindering the "R" had then shifted over to the "T". Grrrrrr! But The Child spent some time on it last night, and suddenly the "R" as well as the "T" seem to be working quite well again! Hooray!!!!

Alas, my glass is empty. This gal wants another little tipple to constitute the early arrival of the weekend. I hope yours is as filled with hope and possibilities as mine is!

John Cusack Made It Look So Easy

Well, I got my feet wet today. I've been chatting with a guy on the internet for the past 3 weeks and finally met him for coffee this morning. He's a real sweetheart. Certainly not my dream man, but hey, a gal's gotta start somewhere. And I just don't get out often enough to meet anyone in a social setting. Not to mention I'm a bit of a social retard.

And, hey! That added kick from that Vanilla Latte gave me enough energy to get a lot of cleaning done today!

Still, I hate this dating stuff. There's no handbook available. And even if there was, there is no Volume II with tips for aging social retards.

If nothing else, maybe I could write a book about my take on such experiences. And Joan Cusack can play my part in the movie adaptation. She'd be a good choice. Johnny Depp of course would play the leading male role.... oh yeah!

Alcohol Induced Ideas

Yay! I got out tonight among the grown up population!
I went to see my brother-in-Law's band play tonight.
And that is a good thing! You see, I don't think like your average woman. I think like
a guy. Or maybe a business woman.
Thing is, they were their usual awesome selves. But they were breaking in a new sound guy who SUCKED!!!!!!
And it occurres to me that I have a tax refund coming. And what better way to spend it than on sound equipment? I have a friend who would be AMAZING at doing sound. If I bought the equipment, I would need a cut from each gig to help pay off the equipment... dang! This is a fabulous idea!!!!!! I'm gonna go with it!

I had a discussion with Hubby tonight about this as well. I thanked him for whispering in my ear and for giving me the ability to be able to do this. He is always on my mind and will help to make this venture a success!

Karma

I was cleaning the kitchen this morning and came across the Squirrel-Skin Cap that Jim had bought for Jerry years ago at Dirk's Diner. Jerry wore it maybe twice and then tossed it aside. As with most things, it's more about talking his parents into buying it than it is actually having it.

I was cleaning days later and found that Squirrel Skin Cap under the couch and looked for a simple place to set it until I was done sweeping. It ended up on Beethoven's head for the entire winter. Since then, it has become a tradition in our house that Beethoven wear his Squirrel Skin Cap until spring comes along. Then he just wears his Party Leigh.

I can't believe I had forgotten to put his hat on this winter! But that has now been rectified and Karma is now restored.

Motivation

Every now and again I look on the Coldwell Banker web site and take home tours of new listings.
Of course, I don't look at the $150,000 listings. That would just be a waste of my time.

But last night, I actually found one that motivated me enough to fill out the pre-approval application through my Credit Union just to see what they had to say.

Well, I am guessing I ought to be saving a lot more money and wait patiently, because in doing my research, I not only need a 5% down payment, but also $2000 in closing costs, $2000 to pre-pay taxes, and of course, enough to hire Two Men and a Dumpster!

So, I'll be adding to my Christmas Club as often as possible, and continually rolling that over so that I can build up savings without the temptation to touch it.

I have also found that I am completely off the radar. I have a credit score of Zero. I don't buy anything unless I can pay cash. I don't have a car payment. Paid cash for my appliances.... So I need to start obtaining documentation that I pay my bills on time.

Crazy thing is, there is nothing that I need or want to purchase right now that would help me build a credit score. Nothing. I'm simple folk. I don't want for much.

But it would be nice to buy my own home while Jerry is still young enough to have the luxury of having a home of our own to grow up in.

The thought of a 30 year loan is a bit frightening as well. Kripes! I'll be almost 80 by the time it's paid off - if I live that long!

The Realtor was a real snot about it though! I wanted to look at a house that is assessed at $105,000 but is selling as a HUD house for $25,000. IDEAL!!!!!! It had gorgeous built-in features, but the kitchen and bathroom look like they need to be completely gutted and re-done. That doesn't scare me if it is my own home (No way in hell I am doing that here in THIS house, cuz although it does need to be done, it's NOT MY HOUSE!!!). But I asked the Realtor if I could see the place today and she said "All bids have to be in by midnight tonight. Are you prepared to make a bid on this place? Because if not, I don't have time to show it to you." NICE!!!! And then after being such a bitch, because I contacted her via E-mail, now I'm getting E-mails from her about other listings that are way out of my price range. Lovely!

But, even though this whole ordeal leaves me feeling a bit disappointed, it DOES motivate me to purge stuff around here. I'm not taking it all with me when I go! 5 bags and counting! Now THAT is motivation!

Drama

I have learned that life throws you enough things to deal with. There is no need to pretend that life has thrown you a new very complicated situation to deal with. In most cases, said Drama is something that could be completely avoided if you simply do not allow others to treat you with disrespect, dumping their garbage onto you.

I get so tired of reading or hearing about people crying over problems that have such obvious solutions. Some people you just can't change. Some people you just can't fix. No matter how intertwined their lives may seem to be with yours, you DO have the option to say "I'm done. You are too mentally ill to be in my life. I already have too much to handle without your drama. When you grow up in about 10 years, give me a call."

And people who blame all of their problems on someone else - now THAT REALLY bugs the crap out of me. It makes that person appear helpless and stupid and it angers me because I KNOW that person CAN'T be that helpless and stupid! So why play the part of the victim?

I am often surrounded by people who just can't seem to get on the right road in life. I love them, but I am finding more and more that I just need to put some distance between myself and them for the sake of my own sanity. I don't need the drama, and I know they wouldn't take my advice any way. So why bother?

Life is too short to deal with all of these fools. I want to enjoy the time I have on earth. I want to share good times with my loved ones. I want to move forward and be happy. Why can't everybody share that common goal?

Occupy Facebook is more like it.....

I'm growing very tired of this Occupy Wall Street stuff.
Although there is some merit to the things people are protesting, I feel they are protesting the wrong branch. They ought to be protesting congress. Protesting the Presidential Cabinet. Protesting Local Government for mishandling funds and making it more difficult for the little man to survive.

HOWEVER.... most of the people I see protesting on facebook can't even articulate what it is that has them so angry. They want everybody to jump on their Happy Bus, but they can't give me any real reasons to do so! If you can't explain it, then you're just a sheep in my opinion. And instead of debating me, they just get angry and say I'm part of the problem. No, I am not part of the problem. I have a skilled job and I am able to feed my family and keep a roof over our heads and still have a little left over to put into savings.

And I think most of them are really just angry at themselves because they have spent the last 10 years just coasting instead of actually preparing for a future. And now that the enconomy has tightened its belt, their free ride is over, and they are terrified. They don't want to own up to their own laziness, so they are pointing fingers at Wall Street.

I say this without fear of criticism because I am able to defend my stance. I started with nothing. Hell, I started with LESS than Nothing! I was a single mother at age 20 with zero skills and a high school diploma. I knew I had to figure out how to survive in this world, so I got busy. I gained skills, I got an education, and I looked for jobs that I would enjoy and surrounded myself with wonderful people throughout all of my working life. I never let anyone tell me I couldn't learn how to do something. And if they did, I proved them wrong!

Somehow I was raised to have a Can-Do attitude that has lead me in many exciting directions. I have been the Lead Singer in a Band, a Waitress, A Secretary, A Store Manager, An Artist, A Machine Repair Representative, a Salesperson, A Receptionist, A Motivational Speaker, An Events Planner, a Care Giver, A Furniture Re-finisher, A Jewelry Maker, A Quilter, A Custom Picture Framer, A Tiler, A Decorator, a Computer Specialist, a Resume Critic.... the list goes on and on. I love that I am so packed with diversity and am able to apply all of those skills to whatever I do and impress any employer I have ever had. And it all starts with attitude. Not once did I give up. I keep moving forward. And I am STILL moving forward. I am on the look-out for the prefect job. When I find it, I will jump into yet another challenging career. And, no, I don't expect to get rich. I still haven't found that Holy Shit Idea just yet.... but I am on the verge of finding it.

I can debate you because I have always been the bread winner in my family. I didn't wait for a man to come save me. I married for love because I knew I had what it takes to survive without a rich man supporting me. And we endured many pit-falls along the way as well as family crises, and we kept on going. And now that I'm a widow, I STILL keep going. I haven't given up. I still have a life to live and a child to support both financially and emotionally, and I want him to be a survivor as well. Like a Phoenyx, we will always rise up through the ashes because we have a lot of fight inside of us and no one is going to keep us down. We don't need to surround ourselves with a bunch of protestors to do so. We don't have to do it loudly or in a flashy manner. That's not God's plan any way.

So if you don't like the way your life is right now, change your attitude. Be grateful for what you have, and if you want something, take steps to aim toward it and don't give up!

If you want to cry about how crappy your life is, you will always find some loser who will listen and sob right beside you. But if you want someone to cheer as you get up off your lazy ass and make something out of yourself, then I'm there!!!!!!