Sunday, December 5, 2010

Ah, That Holiday Crush

They call it "The Crush" because one finds themselves over-stressed with engagements, gift buying, family, deadlines, work, household, bills.....

I am to the point where all I want to do this year is stay home and make some mulled wine and get completely shit-faced and forget this holiday ever came to be.

My oldest son has me absolutely beside myself with anger. He refuses to move forward or open his eyes and see things the way the rest of us see them. So I guess I won't be seeing my grandson on his First Christmas. And at this point, I'm so angry, I don't even give a damn any more. I'm returning all the gifts I have purchased, and I'm turning off my phone and any social media whenever the mention of Christmas pops up.

I don't need this shit. This is my first Christmas without my husband. We spent 20 Christmases together. We had some beautiful traditions, and we muddled through the stress and bullshit together. And this year, it's ALL bullshit. And I don't need that in my life.

I have tried so hard to be supportive of my son in all that he is going through right now. Tried to offer a different point of view, given him a place to land while he gets his bearings, lent him money when it hit the fan, and loved him even when I felt his head was firmly implanted up his ass. And what do I get for all of this? A big fucking pile of negativity.

So Christmas is canceled in my book. No Kuhr Christmas. No Brooks Christmas. I'm through. Leave me the hell alone. I'm trying to get through this month in a positive manner and it's only slapping me in the face. I quit.

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