Sunday, January 30, 2011

Always thinking

Drats! I finally took the time to look through my latest issue of Traditional Home Magazine.
I really love this magazine because they have such fresh ideas and color schemes that really appeal to my brain.

But then I came across a La-Z-Boy ad that I hadn't seen before:

And the colors all match my living room so well! Normally, I absolutely LOATHE floral fabric of any kind, but I really think these chairs would pop in my Lime Green Living Room.

In the magazine, the sofa looks much more orange than it does on the internet ad. And I am sure I have mentioned that I will forever be pining for that 1962 Orange Sofa that I had years back. I really LOVED that retro sofa. And it was made when I was made! It was so cool! But I parted with it for noble reasons, so I know I shouldn't complain too loudly. But the shape of this sofa echoes the clean squarish lines of that 1962 sofa.

No, I am not going to use my tax refund to buy all new living room furniture. Even though the furniture I have is only 4 years old and already looks like it has been through a war .... come to think of it, my furniture HAS seen much more wear and tear than the average family's would. But I chose it for the good bones, and not so much for the cheap fabric. I chose it because I know I can get some mileage out of this furniture. It will be very easy to re-upholster. And I am thinking a nice Coffee Brown to go against the Lime Green. With multiple shades of orange and purple pillows. Does that sound crazy and loud to you? To me, it just screams SEXY!!!

But, alas, my attention span isn't what it used to be. So I will ponder this for a spell. If it sticks in my mind, then I will certainly do it. But if not, then it wasn't meant to be.

For now, I am just thrilled to know that my shower is no longer leaking. It has grown increasingly worse through these past few years. And thanks to my Sis-in-Law Tania and her trusty Housemate Bill, and less than $20 worth of parts, it is dry and happy again! I can feel the savings accumulating by the day! Can you believe it? I am actually looking forward to seeing my next water bill!

I have also spent a great deal of my weekend watching some good shows on A& I started with Hoarders, and went on to Storage Wars, and then to American Pickers, and it has motivated me to start eliminating the needless things, and pricing up the oddities that I have sitting around. I think come this spring, I will be ready to actually hold a rummage sale and part with a great deal of things. I know some of it will be difficult to haggle over and part with. And there are, of course, many things that I must hang on to. But I do know the difference between sentimental attachment and things that are just infringing on our lifestyle. We're getting there one step at a time.

And speaking of one step at a time, The Child made a monumental step last night! He actually slept over at his friend's house! I know to many that may sound silly, but this kid has been attached to my hip for years now and suffers from a form of separation anxiety. And to actually agree to sleep at a friend's house is a giant leap forward! He is making such wonderful progress these past few months. He has been more helpful around the house, and not complaining about the additional duties that I have assigned to him. He is adapting well to a life of change, and I am so glad to see that because although I have a vision of where I want to be, and I know what steps it takes to get there, we always run into curves and detours along the way. It is a comfort to know that The Child is able to just go with it! Me? Not always so much!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I guess I'm not The Big Lebowski

I'm a substitute bowler. Last night, I rolled with my sister's team.
My average was 69. LMAO!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Sky is Indeed Falling!

What the Heck?
It seems like everyone around me is enduring a major crisis at the moment!
Just what is going on? Did God forget to turn on his Turbulence Subsiding Machine?
Hang in there, my loved ones!

Friday, January 21, 2011

My Heart is So Heavy

A friend of mine lost her husband nearly six months after I lost mine.
We have both been walking this long dark road, trying so hard to hold on to the good things and to not let the bad things break us in half.

It is a maddening road, this journey. If you've never walked it, you could never understand.
We are forced to try and remain strong, because that is all that is left to us aside from the memories left behind.

There are so many days when it would be so easy to just give up and let everything crumble around us. Some days we feel "What's the use? We climb and we climb and we climb, only to have the rug pulled out from under us." But then, along comes a good day, or a good moment, or a good person, and suddenly, we're back on track again.

I am just SO BLESSED to have such a supportive family and the most beautiful and loving friends a person could ever ask for. And it just breaks my heart to see my friend, this kindered spirit, going through such unnecessary pain and frustration simply because things have become blown out of proportion.

Neither of us had perfect husbands. They were human as the day is long, with faults and irritations and shortcomings. But they both had such a great love for life, and a great love for US. It made up for all of the bad stuff.

To see a family stoning this wonderful woman is just heartbreaking. They fail to see that she doesn't want - NEVER wanted your pity. But she DOES want - even NEEDS the support of family to continue walking this road.

Like our husbands, we too are imperfect. We're going to make mistakes on this journey that you will not always approve of or understand. Why? Because when you have lost the one person that you confide in when making all decisions, the choices get a little fuzzy sometimes. And even though you would be more than willing to be there and talk things through and help them make the decision that you feel is the right one, well, it may not be the right one for us. You see, that isn't the kind of support we need. The kind of support we really need is for you to help us make new memories to make life worth living.

And as we try to move forward in our lives, we are going to move on and there will be other men in our lives. Will they ever be as wonderful as our husbands? That is quite doubtful, but we can always hope.

One of the hardest slaps in the face that I have felt in these past ten months is hearing the words in a movie or in a book, or at a wedding "Till death do you part." Because it doesn't end when one of us dies. There is still a journey, and we are left trying to meld past present and future together to make it all worthwhile.

Don't be so quick to judge unless you've walked in our shoes. We are both dealing with very different issues, but many are similar. And I can't stand by and watch a family that can be so beautiful and strong and loving simply turn on a person who is hurting. I know you all are hurting too. I've never lost a sibling. And I pray that I won't see that day for some time to come. And I know it will tear me apart. I HAVE lost both of my parents, and I know that is a very tough journey as well. But to lose a spouse is an entirely different animal. It breaks you in ways you never thought possible.

So please! Stop the hating and the judging. You all have a lot of love in your hearts. Love isn't like a light switch. You can't just flip it from love to hate. You need to be patient. Because even though this is the worst journey ever, we will come out of it stronger and more reflective and more compassionate in the future. We just have to get through this tunnel of grief first.

Lets all move forward and feel good about all of the blessings we have. Anger won't get us anywhere. But love and hope will take us to the moon and beyond.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Pardon my poor grammar....

The day started out with a small success, but it's been all down hill since that moment.
I want to scream to the heavens and rip my hair out right now.

The one person I could always talk things over with that I could always count on a good perspective from has been taken from me.

I no longer like this day. Go away, Day!

Climbing that hill....

These past 9 and a half months have been quite a journey for both me and The Child. We have both had our ups and downs, and although the downs have been fewer, that does not by any means make them less severe.

I have seen dramatic improvement in The Child's attitude as we move forward. He has gotten away with a lot in these past few years because Hubby and I were so busy dealing with so many other things that we somehow only managed his behavior instead of grabbing it by the ears and examining it. I have been doing a lot of examining in these past six months and slowly setting an action plan into place. I have been putting more ownership of his behavior and his disciplines onto him so that he can be more independent. More chores, more social interaction, more discussion of how we are dealing with the things life throws at us. And I think it is helping him grow a lot. He needs to take responsibility for his actions.

We are to the point now where I need to keep an even more watchful eye on him and closely monitor his behavior at school. I have an action plan, and I believe he will do well with it.
We're making progress. To me, that makes all the difference in the world. We take our successes as they come. Small triumphs are still triumphs.

SO at this point, I don't have to quit my job and home school The Child. It is certainly a possibility in the future. But hopefully, if we stay on track, things will not need to go in that direction. Which is good, because I love my co-workers and my patients, and I need that successful feeling of making a difference in my patients lives. It helps to define who I am.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

And I thought Oshkosh was greedy!

I saw this in the Oshkosh Northwestern site and found it quite humorous:

Sidewalk amendment sought in Omro

OMRO – The Omro Common Council will consider an ordinance amendment tonight to have the city pay a larger portion of sidewalk replacement costs when it meets at 7 p.m.

Since the council changed the formula in 2002 to have property owners pay 70 percent and the city pay 30 percent, not a single new sidewalk has been installed, said City Administrator Linda Kutchenriter.

The old formula prior to 2002 had the city paying 70 percent and the property owner paying 30 percent. A new plan to share the cost 50-50 will be considered by the council. The meeting will be held in the lower level council chambers at City Hall, 205 S. Webster Ave.

Not a single sidewalk has been laid since they flipped the expenses. What a riot!