Sunday, November 11, 2012

Wide Awake and Dreaming

Boy, there is nothing like having the wind sucked out of your sails.

This past month has been filled with productivity. It began with me finally taking all of Hubby's Fishing Poles off of the wall on my porch. I never liked them hanging there, and I suddenly asked myself "Why are those still hanging there after two and a half years? So I took them down. And that felt so good that it gave me the courage to finally sort through all of the boxes that Hubby had stored out there. This is always a great challenge, because I never know if I am going to laugh, cry or get angry at what I find in them. And I managed to create 4 bags of trash just from all of those boxes out there.

I then decided to commandeer the shelving unit that my son had stored in my garage and put it on the porch. This, of course lead to wanting a shelf much like it on the opposite side of the windows, which lead me to buying two shelving units. I modified the second shelving unit with parts from an old desk  that I had in my basement. So that entire wall is now shelving and I finally know what is in every single box stored on them.  I gained about 10 square feet just by removing the table that had been on the porch for over a decade.

That table is now re-assembled down in my basement. The timing couldn't have been better! I have been doing a bit of wood-working down there, having planks of stained wood drying in various places throughout the basement and really needed table space to begin cutting and assembling my wooden planter.

The planter turned out very cute for my first try. I plan to make 3 more for my front yard over the winter. I am recycling kitty litter containers and will plant flowers in them this spring. They will live inside of the wooden planters and will look oh so cute!

I have been purging so much stuff, and it feels good to be shed of it all. The biggest challenge is that I have a small trash bin which is driving me absolutely bonkers! Nobody asked ME what size I would like!!!! I have a lot of shit to purge!!!!

Yesterday, I took a day off from purging and cleaning. I did a bit of Early Christmas shopping in the morning, and took a long nap in the afternoon. Normally, this is a good thing. But I had a dream within a dream.  I dreamed that I was napping on the couch, but it was a really messed up dream that awakened me. I got up to go to the bathroom, and as I was walking through the kitchen, Jim was standing there at the sink washing dishes. I gave him a hug and told him about the messed up dream I had just had, and went into the bathroom. And there it hit me. Crap! I'm dreaming! He's not really here! And I started crying my eyes out because it was so nice to just stand there and talk with him like nothing had ever changed.

I then woke up for real, with eyes streaming with tears. It just sucked all the ambition out of me for the day. I miss him so much! I just can't seem to shake that dream. I've been a weepy mess ever since.

And that's how it always seems to go. I get one step up and two steps back on this journey. I miss him every day. I talk to him every day. I push myself forward every day. Most days turn out pretty damned awesome. Some just turn to shit in a heart beat. Yesterday was the latter.

But today is a new day. And I am going to make the best of it. I have cleaning to do, laundry to tackle, and an amazing child to spend the day with. I would be a hot mess without that darling face to look at every day. I do believe that my sons are my biggest blessing!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Things to Do While Shopping With Your Sister...

Sister Barb called me tonight and asked if I needed to do any grocery shopping. Well, I just used up the last of my kitty litter last night, so yes, I do!

I didn't have a very long list, and ended up finishing first. THEN, it turned into an adventure!

Things to do while you are at the grocery store:

Wander down an aisle and run into a guy that you are sure you knew years and tears ago but cannot place the name or where you knew him from. Note to self - he is shopping alone on a Tuesday Night so is likely single. Check out the hair. Nice comb- over but overall, not one to quickly dismiss until I remember where I know him from (That's gonna drive me bonkers for weeks!).

Suddenly remember you need Tomato Sauce and head back to that aisle.  Locate sauce and move on.

Suddenly remember that you used the last of the Pepto Bismal this weekend and head for that aisle.

Run into guy I used to know from somewhere as I am standing in front of all the butt hole remedies. Oh yeah, now THAT is impressive!

Grab a pair of cheap gloves to match my new winter coat.

Realize you really have to pee! Park cart and ahhhh! Now that's better!

Stop and talk with sister to see how close she is to being done shopping. Buy some yogurt because John Stamos is really sexy in the commercials.

Head for the Dollar Aisle and peruse the items there.

Laugh and talk out loud to yourself about how silly the crap is in the Dollar Aisle.
See that Guy I used to know from somewhere just passed by and saw me talking to myself.

Feel like this person now believes me to be a mentally deranged creeper.

Run into sister again who says she is done shopping.


Friday, September 14, 2012


My Horoscope for today:
The emotional intensity is building up again, but you probably believe that you can power your way through the hardest parts. Slow down and use your intellectual prowess to decipher the complexities of your heart. It's not that thoughtful contemplation is more important than feelings; it's just that both work and play could benefit from a bit of logic to help you maintain a healthy perspective..

Ain't no logic gonna get me through this hump.
Some weeks are harder than others. This happens to be one of them. I'm not even going to count, But our anniversary is Sunday.

I allowed The Child to have a friend to sleep over and we had a Bon-fire. They went inside, and I sat out there and cried for a while. I needed that. It's been a hell of a week.I needed this week like a hole in my head.

Howie Day put it pretty well...

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I know I will see myself through this. I have been through worse. It is just that certain landmarks in time force me to take that journey backwards and feel all the feelings - revisit the pain, turn in around like a Rubic's cube, spin a new perspective.... except this time, there is no real new perspective. The pain is as fresh and real as it was when I was going through it standing nightly beside my dryer crying in the basement where no one could see me. God, I miss him. Shame on you for taking him from me. Shame on you. He was 44 years old. So much to do. So much to see. So many people left to touch with his wisdom and the beautiful way that he looked at life. Damn you!

Monday, September 3, 2012

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Get lost, Spiders!

All of God's insects have been doubly hardy this year. And the spiders have taken a severe liking to my living room. I wouldn't mind them so much - long as I can see where they are and what they are doing, and long as they leave me alone, I could live with a few spiders. But I seem to have no less that 30 on my ceiling at all times lately! And the other night, I was sitting on the love seat talking on the phone when a spider came down from the ceiling right in front of me!

I began by just sweeping them up and just shaking the broom outside every other day. After all, I don't really want to kill them, I just want them out of my house! Then, I started spraying them with lemon juice because I read that they did not like the flavor. Well, that would work for about a week. But then they would be back again in full force! And these are not your happy harmless Daddy Longlegs. Oh, no! They are these gigantic gray and black striped biting variety! YUCK!!!

Well, it has gotten to the point to where they are just fecking out of control! So I have declared war. I bought a can of raid. But I still seem to be spraying the little bastards once a week! It is making me crazy! I have dreams that spiders are crawling on me, so I'm not sleeping well, and this is really pissing me off because I have never ever been spider-phobic before in my whole life! But when I'm sitting on the couch and one runs across me, well.... I fucking FREAK OUT!!!!!

So today, I am totally cleaning this living room from floor to ceiling. I've got my Lemon scented Murphy's oil for scrubbing the floor, and I am even washing down all of my plants with a little real lemon on my wet wash cloth. My plants are loving it. They were so riddled with spider webs and spider poop! GROSS!!!!!

I don't know how long this battle will hold them off. I am sure I'm not going to win this war. But at least I can say I tried!

The only draw back to all of this cleaning is that I am forced to manage all of the boxes of papers that I have stashed around the room. I should know better. I should just throw it all away without looking at it because I know there will be something that will bring me to tears. Can I throw away that list Jim made while he was planning out his dream of owning a Mr Chippy Van? Hell no! But I do know that I need to start keeping all of this stuff in one single box so that I don't ambush myself with these things. Two and a half years later, I am still dealing with it all. I know some may feel that I am just pushing it all to the back of my mind so that I can let myself be happy. Maybe they are right. But hey, it works for me. I know there will always be these little time bombs that will cause me to deal with it all over again in my mind - to make peace with it over and over and over - seeing it in a different way every single time. But no matter how I look at it, it still sucks. My Jimmy was too young to go. Life is not fair. And then you get spiders invading your house. I will continue to fight!

Ideas, Ideas, Ideas!

I have discovered a new web site this week. It is called
This site is for people who want to redecorate but have a difficult time articulating what it is that they really want a room to look like.

This site has really opened doors for me!

You start with a style that draws you in. I love how warm this room feels. I just want to grab a good book and laze around in there all day just reading and dreaming!

I love the oriental red paired with the Tuscany colored walls, and the complimentary browns tying it all together. It is both masculine and soft at the same time. And it gets me to thinking about the bedroom upstairs that has turned into a catch-all. It should really be brought back to life as a bedroom - if not for The Child, then maybe it is time for me to move back in there and let The Child have my room again. Although with the ideas I have, either one of us would be happy with the way it will hopefully turn out!

The awesome thing about going with a Tuscany / Oriental theme is that one is not limited to just a few colors. You can blend in a variety of hues so long as you have three main colors in the theme.
And this site makes me consider painting one wall darker so that it will pop and become a focal point. A place for the eye to begin when taking in the entire feeling of the room.

I Love the curtain on this window. There are two windows in the upstairs bedroom. I have often thought about just running a curtain rod across that entire wall. Maybe THAT would be the wall that pops?
And of course, there are features to this existing room that I absolutely hate. The closet is SO 60's. Wood paneling nailed to a bunch of 2x4's. It's a cobble job and it looks it! But I could buy a few rolls of parchment and a pile of 1x2's and build a bunch of Oriental Panels to turn that entire wall into storage space. Now THAT would look awesome!

The fun thing about that room is that it is so large that it can be transformed into something really cool. I do believe this will become my winter project. A little bit of this from one pay check, a little bit of that from the next pay check.... if I plan it right, it will all come together by spring!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Ah, Gnocci!

Best recipe EVER!
All you have to do is watch and follow his humorous instructions!

Friday, August 3, 2012


It's our Annual Sisters Weekend! I am so excited! I can't wait to get to The Copperleaf!
I still have much to do before I can leave, but I think I will be fine!
If the Zombie Apocalypse occurred tomorrow, I think I could survive with everything I have packed! I have my clothes and my hair stuff, all my cute shoes, and booze! LOL!

In preparing for this weekend, it was weighing heavy on my mind that Jerry had lost our house keys. So I bought a new lock for the front door. It took me a while to get it installed. Our front door is of course 1/16" thinner than the doors manufactured today. Therefore, the lock was a bit loose. But I used parts from the old lock to make it all thicker and more secure, and all is well! I RULE!!!

It makes me happy to know that if I put my mind to something, I can make it work. Sure, it's not the same as having a husband around, or even a handy man. But I know that I can get by. And that is what matters. I don't feel helpless like many widows would. I'm doing okay! And that means a lot!

I can't wait to sing a little Karaoke tonight. Even tho it looks like most of our relatives will not be joining us, I would still like to stop there for a bit. And then, who know what mischief us sisters will get up to!

Friday, July 6, 2012

Ah, Coffee!

I spent an hour revising and improving on the original concept. Therefore, it is now MINE!
See my initials in the corner? That means I licked it!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there! I hope you are all surrounded by loved ones and enjoying a wonderful day.

This is a bittersweet day for me, now that my own father has passed away, as well as my husband.
It just feels odd. I miss them both terribly.

But instead of concentrating on loss, I am focusing on life. And what better way to do that than to be working on my back garden? If I keep working on it, in a few years it will be an ultra-inviting place to be.

I started by putting bricks around my fire pit. Because I really do love my fire pit.

I cleared away all of the firewood that was stacked along the back fence, with the help of a friend, of course, and then I stacked up some brick there as well, making a flower bed. It is a very modest flower bed right now, but once all of the plants are established, it will be very beautiful.
I also moved the tool crib to the corner of the yard. I like that silly thing. No one else has one in their yard, and I think it adds personality.
 It took me a while to get a good visualization of where I was heading with this, but this weekend, I finally got it all put together and I really love how the tool crib looks now that it has flowers in it. And OMG! I never knew there was such a thing as black petunias! How cool!!!!
And I couldn't help myself. I had to stain a big old K on the tool crib.

Now if only the grass seed would germinate where it is supposed to and fill in the bald spots in the yard that were created by wood being stacked there for years.

Time. That is all we need now. I'm done spending money on it this year.
Next year, I will dive in and work on the other corner by my garage. I know what I want that to look like, and it's going to take a good $500. I already put enough into it this year. That corner will wait.

For now, I'm just going to enjoy what I have created. It is so nice to sit out there and let the world pass by.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

I really am quite fortunate

As my child sits by the computer chatting with his best friend who now lives miles away from us, I realize just how lucky we are to live in this age of modern conveniences.
I can get away with him having a Pay-as-You-Go Phone so that I can keep in touch with him, and he doesn't burn up all of his minutes texting or chatting with friends. Things are good! At least until he decides it is time to have a real girlfriend. Then, I'm screwed!

We are cat-sitting for my sister this weekend. And even though they are on their way home from their trip, The Child and I will be off soon to give kitty one last feeding. It is a beautiful day to take that long walk. And I do so need to get out and walk! The Aurora 5K is in 3 weeks and I am SO out of shape it isn't funny! Hopefully I can turn it around in time for the 5K and keep it going long after!

I stepped on a scale on Friday and am appalled at what I saw. I knew it would be bad, but I have never weighed this much. EVER! So my goal is to shed 10 pounds in the next 3 weeks, and continue on to lose more than 50. I need to get it back. This party with comfort food has got to end. As well as my adoration for Pepsi and Bailey's. Neither one helps my cause!

And while I am focussed on how large I am, my girl kitty has been focusing on becoming thin enough to escape. Yesterday, she managed to get outside by wiggling her dainty self out under the porch door! There is a 1 inch gap on the bottom, and a part of the lower door is chipped up just enough for her to get out! Thank goodness she always manages to come back when she gets loose, but I hate that she gets out because she always comes back hurking up her hunted prey. Yuck!

Well, we are off to feed the kitty! Have a great day, everyone!

Friday, June 1, 2012

On Line Shopping

It's no secret that I adore online shopping. It is much more fun to come home from work and find a happy new package on my porch than it is to go out and fight the masses and make a decision while some old lady shoves her cart between you and the product selection you are trying to choose wisely from.

Tonight, I discovered that it is even more fun to write witty reviews for my recent purchases! I can't wait until Amazon sees what I have written!

I recently ordered a vial of Allergy Medication because I am oh so tired of signing a log book at my local pharmacy to promise that I won't be building a meth lab any time soon. And while I was at it, I also bought a new pair of work pants.

My review of the allergy meds and the vendor that shipped it to me was this:

"They are as nice as a box of newly born kittens! My box arrived quicker than grandpa can spin a colorful yarn, and the product was everything I had hoped for. My allergy symptoms are nearly gone, my hair has never been shinier, and my boss even offered me a promotion! Way to go, HBK Direct! You made my world a better place to live!" 

Oh, but wait! They also wanted me to review the pants I had purchased!

"These pants arrived in a stylishly lovely slate gray package that was easy to open. Inside, I found an enchanting pair of trousers that were just begging me to try them on. They muffle my muffin top in the most sexy way possible and all of my friends are so jealous that they have started calling me Princess Kate behind my back. Oh yeah. I hear them. Don't be hatin' on my new sexy pants!"

 Yup! I really did write that, and I really did hit send/publish!  I wonder if they will ever ask me for another review! Hey! You gotta mess with people now and again or life gets stale!


Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Shame!

I love ordering things on line. It saves me time and trouble, and often, I find better deals that way. Last weekend was one of those moments. The child had rented a video game and was asking me to spend another $7 to rent it for another four days. I then said "You still have your gift card from your birthday, how about we order it and then it will be yours forever?" So The Child and I placed an order for the game.

The site said that his game would be shipping via UPS Mail Innovations. Well, I assumed this meant it was shipping UPS Ground. But you know what they say about assuming! The package was actually delivered by our mail carrier! What the heck!? I paid for UPS shipping, and they pocket the extra cash and ship it regular mail? How fair is that?

It's like getting ready for a date with THIS GUY

And then having THIS GUY show up at your door!
Mind you, Steve Buscemi is a good actor, but he is NOT Brad Effing Pitt!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Saturday, April 7, 2012


I have just joined the Pinterest Community. However, I am a little sad that I can't just put my own pictures up there and that I have to pin it from somewhere else.

There are a great deal of inspiring pictures and stories on there, though. I could wade through it for hours and hours!

I wanted to start my own boards, though and fill them with pictures of Ireland...

I, of course, would start with Glendalough.....

Although I am sure the Irish rarely visit this tourist trap, as an American, I am drawn to the
solemnity of this religious ruin.

And, Dang, Paddy! That's one hell o' a Fire Pit!!! I'll bring the marshmallows! Ha ha ha!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Anylize This....

I had a dream last night that Jim had misplaced his cell phone and I could hear it beeping, alerting that the battery was about to die if it wasn't charged soon.

I was overturning furniture and frantically pulling off cushions trying to find it, listening for the beep to help me hone in on exactly where it was, and I was yelling at Jim for just sitting there and not helping me to find the darned thing. He just sat there in a chair looking confused.

It was tucked way deep in a chair, and I found it, feeling great relief.

"How am I supposed to contact you if your phone is dead?" I grumbled at him as I took it and plugged it in. "I need to be able to call you and make sure you're okay!"

Crazy, I know. He certainly IS okay in that better place where he is.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I'm only a wee bit Irish

What a great weekend! I got together with my sisters, nieces, nephew and friends last night at O'Morrow's Pub for an amazing evening of watching The Scrubbers from Milwaukee Wisconsin play the best Irish rock, ska and folk music available in Wisconsin!

They were a fun group of guys, and amazing musicians! I had to buy a T-shirt to commemorate such a fun night!

And today, I went shopping with my sisters and we decided to go to South of the Border to have a quick meal in their Margarita Garden. I must say their Margaritas are blooming quite well!

This has to be a record. Two weekends in a row, we were blessed with the company of my niece Sami! I just love that girl! She is what the Irish would call Good Craic!

I also had great fun telling my favourite Irish joke to anyone who would hear it....

What's Irish and stay's out all night? Patty O'Furniture!!!!

With this amazing weather, it won't be long and I can start up the fire pit in the back yard! I can't wait! Although I am a bit worried with us having such awesome weather now, summer is sure to be a scorcher! I may have to break down and buy an air conditioner! I HATE Air conditioners!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Bring on the Bailey's!

The Child has the day off school tomorrow, so I have a 3 day weekend as well! SKOAL!!!!!
I bought myself a fresh bottle of Bailey's and am celebrating the early departure of the work week.

It has been a long week in spite of it being a 4 day work week.
Valentines Day was Tuesday, and although we had a bit of a celebration at work with a mountain of yummy food and I ate myself into oblivion, the symbology of the day was not lost on me. I have no Valentine on which to focus my affections. And I know that it was only two short years ago that I was in the now defunct Morton Pharmacy browsing through their cards and trying not to bust into tears in public as I tried to find the perfect Valentines Day card for my dying husband. They just don't make cards for a situation like that. So I opted for humor instead. Crap!

I'm beginning to think I'm going to be single for many many years to come. The type of man I need just is not out there in the world of available suitors. I need someone who is extremely emotionally secure and strong. All the men my age that are available are pretty much broken. They're so wrapped up in fixing themselves that they couldn't possibly exert the energy into focusing attention on the journey that I have been on. Total waste of my time.

But it does help for me to look around this house with different eyes and realize that I really need to get busy. This whole house is an homage to my dearly departed husband. He's not coming back! Why do I still have all of his stuff everywhere? It has been a great comfort to me and The Child these past few years, but I think it is time to start seriously purging and packing.
I got a good dent into it this past weekend. And hopefully I can stay focused this weekend as well and do more. I have a severe case of Widow ADHD. And it SUCKS!!! I need to move forward!!!

I also joined Netflix this past weekend after putting it off for years and years. Thanks to the new SOPA laws passing, I just can't find any Groovy TV Shows out there on the web, and my co-worker Anne keeps talking about a show called Shameless that she started watching on Showtime that she says is so outrageous that she can't stop watching. Well, SCORE! I joined Netflix, and guess what? As usual, all of the really great American Television shows are merely new adaptations of British Television programs that have been around for years! So I started watching the British version of the show - even more believable, and even less restrictions to it! The show is awesome! Although I do wish I could see Edward H Macey and Joan Cusack playing the main roles. I'll bet they are fabulous at it! However, I adore the Welsh accents on the version I am watching. And the guys playing the supporting roles are simply yummeh!

My laptop has been behaving badly this past week as well. First it was the "R" that was sticking and not working properly. Then I got out the air can and blasted the poor thing only to find that whatever was hindering the "R" had then shifted over to the "T". Grrrrrr! But The Child spent some time on it last night, and suddenly the "R" as well as the "T" seem to be working quite well again! Hooray!!!!

Alas, my glass is empty. This gal wants another little tipple to constitute the early arrival of the weekend. I hope yours is as filled with hope and possibilities as mine is!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

John Cusack Made It Look So Easy

Well, I got my feet wet today. I've been chatting with a guy on the internet for the past 3 weeks and finally met him for coffee this morning. He's a real sweetheart. Certainly not my dream man, but hey, a gal's gotta start somewhere. And I just don't get out often enough to meet anyone in a social setting. Not to mention I'm a bit of a social retard.

And, hey! That added kick from that Vanilla Latte gave me enough energy to get a lot of cleaning done today!

Still, I hate this dating stuff. There's no handbook available. And even if there was, there is no Volume II with tips for aging social retards.

If nothing else, maybe I could write a book about my take on such experiences. And Joan Cusack can play my part in the movie adaptation. She'd be a good choice. Johnny Depp of course would play the leading male role.... oh yeah!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Alcohol Induced Ideas

Yay! I got out tonight among the grown up population!
I went to see my brother-in-Law's band play tonight.
And that is a good thing! You see, I don't think like your average woman. I think like
a guy. Or maybe a business woman.
Thing is, they were their usual awesome selves. But they were breaking in a new sound guy who SUCKED!!!!!!
And it occurres to me that I have a tax refund coming. And what better way to spend it than on sound equipment? I have a friend who would be AMAZING at doing sound. If I bought the equipment, I would need a cut from each gig to help pay off the equipment... dang! This is a fabulous idea!!!!!! I'm gonna go with it!

I had a discussion with Hubby tonight about this as well. I thanked him for whispering in my ear and for giving me the ability to be able to do this. He is always on my mind and will help to make this venture a success!

Saturday, January 14, 2012


I was cleaning the kitchen this morning and came across the Squirrel-Skin Cap that Jim had bought for Jerry years ago at Dirk's Diner. Jerry wore it maybe twice and then tossed it aside. As with most things, it's more about talking his parents into buying it than it is actually having it.

I was cleaning days later and found that Squirrel Skin Cap under the couch and looked for a simple place to set it until I was done sweeping. It ended up on Beethoven's head for the entire winter. Since then, it has become a tradition in our house that Beethoven wear his Squirrel Skin Cap until spring comes along. Then he just wears his Party Leigh.

I can't believe I had forgotten to put his hat on this winter! But that has now been rectified and Karma is now restored.