Saturday, December 18, 2010

How Long Must I Be Prey To These Evil Grist Mongers?

That's a favorite saying of Hubby's. When it would all hit the fan, he would stand in the middle of the living room and say this with his arms in the air.

It totally hit the fan yesterday. The Child was lining up with his classmates to come in for recess, and he was goofing around with the kid in front of him - a pal of his - and he pretended to choke this friend. Well, of course the Playground Supervisor saw this as a violent act and reported it to the principal, who in turn reported it to the superintendent, who now feels The Child is a danger to his classmates and must be suspended for the remainder of 2010.

As if I'm not challenged enough trying to find someone to watch him during Christmas Break. Now, they've added even more of a challenge to this already difficult situation.

I told my boss yesterday that it is looking like I am going to have to quit my job and home-school my son. I told her that I had hoped to keep my foot in the door, working only two days a week, so that come September, I could re-enroll him into public school, but at the moment, there are no 2 day a week openings. She is going to talk to HR about it. But if I quit, I will have to give three weeks notice in order to keep any benefits that I have in order. Not that I have a lot of benefits. But I do have vacation time building. That's sort of a non-issue at this point, cuz I'm using it up quickly with all of these shenanigans.

I don't like feeling like I am undependable. And I really don't like feeling like I've been shoved into a corner with nowhere to turn. I feel the school system has failed my child terribly. And putting him in a class room with troubled children is only going to elevate the problems The Child already has. He's not a bad kid. He's been through much more than any child his age and they refuse to acknowledge that his anger comes from things beyond his control.

But if I don't do all that I as a parent can do for him, then I will have failed him as well.
I need to keep positive and know that this is the vow I have taken in life. When you give birth to a child, your heart tells you that you must protect that child forever no matter what the risk is to yourself.

And, hey! It's only money we'll be lacking in. And we do have resources at hand. I think it's for the best right now.

Do I sound like I'm talking myself into this? Well, I guess I sort of am. Its scary jumping into the unknown, even though I know we will be okay, and that I am perfectly capable of doing this. Neither one of us really got to take a proper break to really grieve the loss of Hubby. We've been just trying to tread water and keep going. There is so much we need to work out in our hearts and our minds and I think it is only proper that we do this as a team, The Child and me. We will walk through this fire and come out stronger, smarter, and better for it.

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