It's not really deja vu

Have you ever had the feeling of Deja Vu?
You get the feeling that somewhere somehow you have done the exact same thing, thinking the exact same thoughts as you are at a specific moment in time.
The lore of this is that if you do have deja vu, then that is telling you that you are exactly where you are supposed to be at that moment. You are on the proper path in life.

I've had deja vu many times in my life. But if I waited for moments like that to appear in order to feel that I am on the correct course in life, I'd be in a sorry state!

As I said yesterday, I've been browsing through the zen habits site these past few days.
It's a great place to go if you're feeling a little discouraged about your current path.

One post that I particularly liked was Find Your Amazing Work . I shared a print out of this with my supervisor and coworkers, making sure to point out that even a Zen Columnist feels that the work we do every day is an amazing thing. I know there are days when Those Upstairs seem to be spending too much time dumping more work on us. And there are days when we feel that the Doctors and the Nurses really carry the bulk of the weight. But you know what? That's not true. Every day that I go to work, I help save a person's life. I know the warning signs of a stroke or a heart attack (Different in each of the sexes), and I am able to recognize many symptoms and know if they ought to talk to the nurse for medical assessment right now or if it could wait. I am able to talk a depressed person into keeping their doctor appointment, and I am able to make a crabby person laugh. I'm able to help a very ill person get through the mundane clerical portion of their visit with speed and ease so that they can rest and conserve their energy. I know how to operate a wheel chair - not even all the doctors and nurses know how to do that! But mostly, I love helping people. In many cases, I can either make or break a person's day. I choose to make their day.

So, yeah, I'm not making a ton of money. I make enough to pay some bills. But I love helping people. That is my amazing work. Who needs a 5 year plan. I'm where I'm supposed to be right now!


P.S. It's been 6 months today since I quit smoking! I ROCK!

Zen Habits

Easter was an enjoyable day. We all ate far too much, but it was fun catching up with the in- laws.
But now, it's time to focus on the week ahead.

I didn't get a lot of house cleaning done this weekend. I was more preoccupied with keeping Hubby busy and keeping his mind off of smoking that my normal routine sort of went out the window.
And rightly so. I woke up this morning thinking about how I wanted to make Waldorf salad to bring along to MIL's, but our celery was limp. I said to Hubby "Maybe if I make the Waldorf with everything else, we can pick up celery on our way out of town and I can just add it at your Ma's." Well, the next thing I know, Hubby is saying "I can run to the store and buy celery. Do you need anything else? I can go to the store."

I looked at him and said "You haven't even had a real cup of coffee yet. Why do you want to run to the store?" Uh huh. Just as I suspected. When he came home with the celery, he smelled of freshly smoked cigarette. Dammit! I shoulda stuck with plan A.

It's just annoying me. You see, he's not on this roller coaster by himself. He's dragging the whole family along. And with every slip, the withdrawal lasts longer. It takes 3 days to get the nicotiene out of your system. Every time he sneaks a smoke, he's reloading his system and adding yet another day and night of hell.

When you quit smoking, you have great difficulty sleeping that first week. You have freaky dreams when you do sleep. But your brain wakes you up all night with electrical charges, and in Hubby's case, muscle spasms. Last night I forced him to take a Lorazepam at bed time, telling him that his best defense in standing strong is a good night's sleep. Yeah, he still had trouble, but I do think it helped. But of course, when he tosses and turns, I get awakened as well. Yay.

The scary thing is, he is at work right now. He normally does the majority of his smoking at work.
Will he get through the night?


So in the mean time, I've gotten the kitchen back in order, and I'm now relaxing surfing the net. I love going from blog link to blog link to see what I stumble upon. I've been to Zen Habits before, and although I don't swallow it all hook line and sinker, there is often good food for thought.

One thing they mention is that we need direction and focus. At this point in my life, I don't think I really have any BIG direction or focus happening in my life. Sure, there's helping Hubby quit smoking, making sure that I stay a non-smoker, reaching my goal weight and feeling healthier, raising The Child so that he is not completely warped and will hopefully be a productive member of society. But I don't really have a big plan that I'm aiming toward. I don't have a 5 year plan. I don't have a 10 year plan. Unless you count Not Getting Cancer. But that's more a hopeful wish than a plan.

I did finally get my bike road ready. That makes me happy. Now I need to get my body used to biking for long distances so that I can start riding it to work! That's a previous goal met, and a new goal set.

Getting up earlier is a goal. My work hours will be changing soon. On Tuesdays I will have to be there at 7AM. Which means if I have to get up an hour early for one day a week, I may as well get up early for all days of the week. My goal there is to get my ass out the door 4 out of 5 days a week to walk before my morning shower.

I also want to kill my television set. Is that a goal?

Perhaps I need to spend more time reading Zen Habits to regain my focus. I've been coasting a lot lately. I need a Zen Kick in the pants.