Happy Easter, Etc.

Not much new around here at the moment. Easter is tomorrow, and Hubby is talking about maybe dying even more eggs. I have never seen a family eat more eggs in my life. The gas is astounding! Help me!!!

I'm sad to see lent go. I really looked forward to the Friday Menu at work. Potato Encrusted Cod is quite yummy! And it is especially fun to yell out "Cod Nuggets!" in a moment of anger! Hubby and The Child joined me for lunch yesterday. Where else on earth can you feed a family of 3 for $5? We can't even do that at home!

Hubby is trying to quit smoking. It's more difficult for him. I don't think he's ever made it more than a day or 2. And he always smokes the cheap nasty smokes so there's more tar and nicotiene in them. So if he does this, I need everyone to make an extra big deal about it!

I had the opportunity to take the majority of next week off work because most of the docs are gone and it will be slow. Well, I am taking Tuesday and Friday off, but I don't think I'd be able to handle hanging around home all week with Hubby quitting smoking. I'd have to kill him. Granted, if I killed him he would be a former smoker, but it would be for all the wrong reasons.

But the cool thing about him quitting is that it is giving me a chance to get back in touch with all the reasons why I quit. And that helps a lot. Especially since I've been down this road before.
I know that after 1 month you really want to try a cigarette. After 2 months you really want to try a cigarette. After 4 months you really want to try a cigarette. and at 6 months you really want to try a cigarette. And each time you do, the odds of you starting up again increases. I like the money too much to ever go back to being the big smoker I was, but still... I'm finding out that most of the people I know who quit are on the fence at the moment. They are bargaining with themselves. The have at least one cigarette a day, telling themselves that it doesn't count because they aren't smoking like they used to. I don't want to be like that. Because I know me. One would lead to 5. Five would lead to 10. And I'd be right back where I started, only more broke than ever with the costs rising!

Another bonus is that my clothes won't smell like an old cigarette any more! W00t! (There is nothing more aggrivating that to have gone through the journey of quitting smoking only to live with a smoker who leaves all of your clothes smelling like he stood beside them all and blew smoke directly at them. I hate it!!!!).

On a completely unrelated subject, the remote I had ordered a month ago finally arrived in the mail. I loaded it with batteries, re-set the television set and....nothing. The damned thing still won't work! I just don't get it! And I spent $25 on that stupid remote! I don't want to buy a new television set! Right now they're charging far too much for television sets what with the digital programming change-over and all. It makes me want to take the T.V. upstairs and toss it out a window. Well, okay, so I'll admit, I always thought it would be cool to toss a Television out an upper story window. Now I actually have a real reason to do it! Hmmmmm.

I am one tough biatch

It's been in the works for months now. The long awaited wedding of two very sweet people.
The big day finally came yesterday!
Hubby stood up as best man.

This was one of the factors that I really had to consider when I had made my decision to quit smoking. I would really have liked a little more distance between quitting smoking and facing this stressful social situation that I knew was looming in the future. I know my Hubby. I knew he would spend the majority of the reception standing out in the parking lot chain smoking, and when he would be in doors, he would be doing Wedding Party stuff. And me, no longer being a smoker would be left inside in a room full of people that I really don't know, standing alone looking snobby. I can't help it. I make friends slowly. I can't just jump into a room full of strangers and be best pals by night's end. That's just not me. I end up trying way too hard to come up with interesting conversation topics and focusing on asking open ended questions to that I would get more than a yes or no response. Eek! Stress!

Luckily, the Bride has a really wonderful family. One of her many brothers and his wife came and sat at my and Jerry's table during the dinner portion of the reception and had both Jerry and me in stitches.

But back to the point of it all. As I was getting ready for the wedding I was suddenly over come with the Mother-of-All Cigarette cravings. I'm having an internal melt down because the night before, I thought "Okay, we need to leave at noon. That means I need to be in the shower by 10AM so that Hubby can have at least an hour in the bathroom to get ready before we go and so that my hair will dry properly and not look like total shit. Well, guess what. At 9:55, Hubby gets up, grabs his clothes and heads to the shower. And proceeds to hog the bathroom for the next hour! The neighbour kids decide to come over and play in the living room, and I'm just feeling the stress mounting. So I get in the shower, get out and try blow drying my hair. I NEVER blow dry my hair. I despise hair driers. Plus, they blow our electrical circuits if you use them on high. And what good is a hair drier used on low? So, yes, the hair is looking like crap no matter how much product I squirt onto it. And I'm looking in the mirror thinking that I really hate the clothes I bought for the wedding, which is naturally followed by "Dang, woman! You are so Fing FAT!" (My saying to myself, of course). So next thing I know, I'm up stairs digging in my closets for something - anything to make the wardrobe work. And I run back down, shoo Hubby out of the bathroom again (Sheesh! Quit primping, ya Nancy!) and that slow nag of a nicotine fit starts growing into a full-out fiend. I told myself "Give it three minutes and it will pass." Um, no. After three minutes, the feeling only grew even stronger. Another three passed and I was taking deep breaths. And in the mean time, Jerry is playing loudly with his friends in the living room, Hubby is cussing because he's popped a button on his suit jacket, and although the wardrobe is coming together, my hair looks like absolute crap no matter how I try to style it.

Hubby comes into the bathroom once his Button Crisis is amended and says "What's that look for?" Ooh! It was THAT noticeable! I told him I was really wishing we had some Orange Juice in the house because that is supposed to thwart cravings to smoke and I was having a major fit at that moment.

Hubby went out and jumped in the van and ran to the nearest gas station and came back with not one but two bottles of Orange Juice for me. How sweet and supportive! Major kudos go to that man! And amazingly, the orange juice really did help to curb it a bit. It didn't leave entirely, but it did take the edge off.

My hair still looked like crap. I still sat alone in the church. I still ended up standing alone looking dopey several times at the reception. But I faced all of that stress and I made it through smoke-free. Not bad for it still being less than two weeks of being a non-smoker. Go Me!

Yet another Perk...

For those of you reading my blog and have no interest in my trying to shake the monkey off my back, I apologize. Feel free to skip this entry entirely. I promise I'll try to think of something else to blog about next time. It's just that it is day #5 and it has been a tough one. I'm not sure if the cravings are physical or mental today, but I've been arguing with myself all day saying "Quit bargaining with yourself! An alcoholic cannot have just one drink. You cannot have just one puff! You've come this far and if you had a down slide now, the whole thing starts over from point A, so don't even bother trying to bargain with yourself.".

Jim, for the most part is trying to be supportive. He's been trying not to smoke around me if possible. But that really doesn't bother me so much. Actually, smelling the smoke sort of soothes the cravings a bit. But, it is the weekend. During the week, I am able to keep busy. I can't smoke at work, so days are not a problem. But the weekends are a different story.

I'm supposed to go to a wedding shower tomorrow. The Bride-to-be called and asked if I was planning to go. I was perfectly honest with her. I said "Well, I don't think I'm going to make it to the shower. We have a list of stuff to get done before your wedding, plus I am trying to quit smoking right now. Attending a wedding shower where I know only one other person in the room is not a good thing to do when you're trying to quit smoking. I need a calm environment with no stress and that would cause me stress."

She obviously didn't understand. She started saying "Well you met everybody a few weeks ago, so you'd actually know everybody there. How could that be stressful?" No, I may have met them, but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with them on a regular basis or that we have anything to carry on a conversation about. No. I'm not going and I'll be damned if I'll feel guilty about it. Wedding showers are supposed to be for immediate family or for those who cannot attend the wedding itself. And besides, they just made us attend an "Engagement Party" which was in actuality a wedding shower. So we got to feel like a couple of asses for showing up without a gift because we weren't told it was a shower!

Any way, on to the Perk portion I was aiming for ... our new kitten is very sweet. But if she was on my lap and I lit up a cigarette, she would get up and run away. She doesn't like cigarette smoke. Since I've quit smoking, she has become the loviest little kitty ever toward me! I've become her lap of choice! And after all, that's really why I adopted her to begin with. Our other cat has always been less than affectionate and I had hoped this one would be a cuddler. So that's a bonus for the non-smoking side.

I keep making lists. Reasons why I am quitting. Reasons why I should not take even a single drag of a cigarette. It's a lot of mental wrestling because I've been smoking off and on since I was 12! Being a non-smoker is not natural to me. And I tend to trust people who smoke over people who do not smoke. It's a personality thing as well. So in quitting, I need to find my non-smoking personality and hope that I actually like that person. I know I'm doing this mostly for health reasons. I know that I need to do this. But, damn it's hard!

And I know I'm doing this so that I'm not putting such a financial drain on our budget. But that doesn't really hold a lot of sand with me right now. Cigarettes are pretty much the only thing I actually buy for myself with my pay checks. There's not a whole lot that I WANT for myself. I could buy a new wardrobe, but I hate the size I am right now and refuse to commit to that size by purchasing expensive clothing. However, it is nice to know I have cash set aside for when the bottom falls out. And it often does. Emergency dental visits, Jerry getting strep... stuff happens.
In this household, "stuff happens" far too often.

I know the first two weeks are the hardest. Once I get beyond these first two weeks, the physical addiction go to the background and it's all mental from there. I need to be more positive. I can do this.

Say! I know what I can do! I'm gonna put my recent Water Buffalo Fetish to good use!
Stay tuned for further details!