In this past month, I have witnessed my oldest son hit rock bottom. He has lost everything.
And still he fails to realize that he is his own worse enemy. Or rather ALCOHOL is his worser enemy.
His drinking has caused him to lose his family, his drivers license, his truck, his home, his job. It has caused him to steal from his own mother. And still he feels he isn't ready to check himself in and get the help he needs.
I have a ten year old boy here in my home who is a handful all by himself. We are still on a journey of healing and working through our grief in losing my husband a year ago this month.
I do not need the extra added drama, lies, lip service and financial burden that my oldest son brings with him. I will not have him laying around on my couch all day feeling sorry for himself. I just won't do it! I'm not helping him by doing so.
And I can talk until I am blue in the face, but he never hears a word I have to say. He just nods and agrees because it may buy him more time to lay around and feel sorry for himself.
He's not going to get help until he finally sees that getting that help is the only real solution.
Will I stop worrying about him until he reaches that point? Of course I will! I want the world for my son! I want him to succeed in life! I want him to get it together and be the best he can possibly be! I don't want to find his body under a bridge or in a horrible car wreck. I don't want him to end up as a vegetable for the rest of his life because of some poor choice he makes while drinking.
But I also know that he can be a violent person when he is drinking. And I know that I cannot afford to expose my younger son to that. The poor kid has enough to deal with. Alcoholism makes the entire family sick. Not just the drinker.
We all have a breaking point. And I am reaching mine. I feel like I am being held hostage by all of the drama that surrounds my oldest son. I love my grandson. He is such a beautiful little boy. And I want my son to be able to appreciate fatherhood. I want him to be there for Liam, and he can only do that if he is sober for life. He needs to understand that. And until he does, I don't know what else I can do.
My heart is breaking. I have too much pain and sorrow in my life already. I just can't bear the intensity of the heartbreak I feel watching a young man savetage everything that means anything to him.
This isn't tough love. We just need to do this. Just when the young child and I start moving forward, more drama gets poured onto our lives and drags us two steps back. We can't afford to be dragged two steps back every few months. We need to get to where we need to be. We need peace and sanity. To word it better, with all that we have endured these past few years, we DESERVE the opportunity to move forward with peace and sanity!
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