Friday, May 20, 2011

Like Charlie Sheen, I'm Winning, but for different reasons

Tomorrow is my sister's Birthday, so we went out tonight for dinner and cocktails. It was nice.
But they weren't able to stay for a bonfire after-wards. Bummer. I have a bottle of Strawberry Wine with their names on it.

So.... it was just me in the back yard with a fire.... too nice of a night to let it pass without a fire.
After all, I had the shell of an old wooden planter from our yard in the fire pit ready to torch.

So what do I do when I have a fire in the back yard and it's just me and my lonesome? Well, I talk to Hubby. After all, he did promise me that every time I have a fire in the fire pit he would be there.

So, I talked to him a bit. Sang to him a bit. I sang him some of the original songs I had written just for him. And then I sang some of my favourite songs that we did back in our band days.... which lead to the song Diamonds and Rust. Wow. Joan Baiez was so prolific. And it struck me how timely that song is for me right here right now.

I know I need to move on. I so badly want to move on. Because all memories give me is diamonds and rust. I need to move forward still further and get beyond that.

I'm sick of being alone. It sucks trying to maintain everything. I don't mind being in charge, but, dang! Some things I would rather let anybody else handle.

I have been working on the front yard all this week because I have some brick work coming on Monday. I am SO SICK of weeding and fighting Mother Nature when it comes to my yard. I have NEVER been an outdoors kind of person. I HATE bugs and weeds. And why the hell have they suddenly decided to take over? They never did in years past. Or perhaps Hubby did much more with the yard than I gave him credit? I dunno. I just know that I am an indoors kind of gal and I need to put "Adores Yard-work" on my checklist for a future potential mate.

Today was such a beautiful day. I was in good spirits, and the weather was amazing. And it is lovely having the windows open and hearing St Vinnie's Clock ringing each hour. It brings comfort to me and reminds me of better days. But you know what? It is up to ME to bring my OWN BETTER DAYS right here, right now. I am building a pretty cool life here for me and my boys. We have walked through the ashes and we need to get beyond that and make it all worth it. THAT is why GOD put us on this earth.

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